Mpango Wa Kando: Cheating Spouses in Kenya

Written By Michael Maunda on Saturday, May 12, 2012 | 1:40 AM


In the Kenyan Society and many societies around the world, marriages in today do not seem to mean nearly as much as they used to in the past, with divorce commonly being the first preferential choice in modifying a married couples problems or troubles. Only 31 percent of marriages survive an affair. In today's society, female infidelity appears to be on the rise. At least one partner in more than 80 percent of marriages is likely to have an extramarital affair, and her studies showed that almost half of the cheating partners are women.  Individuals who exchange their vows of matrimony, are not only making a promise to their new partner, but also to God, and many people seem to take that vow very lightly.

Just as men have un-remarkably done in the past, in recent years is has become increasingly more common for women to cheat on their husbands as well. Women share many of the assonant reasons for cheating on their spouse as men do, the only difference is that it has somewhat been more acceptable behavior for that of the male species, than it is of the female species. Just as a man who lies down with many women is often referred to as a stud, when a woman implements the same behavior in herself, she is considered nothing more than a paramour, whore, concubine or worse.

Internet and Technology making cheating easy
It's simpler than ever to find an affair online—and the people searching for one are not always those you'd suspect. Of the 3.3 million users of AshleyMadison.com, a dating site that unapologetically caters to married people looking to stray, about 500,000 are newlyweds, according to the site's president, Noel Biderman.

Research shows that infidelity rates are much higher among cohabiting couples than married folks who don't live together first. One possible reason: "Often, a couple that decides to live together isn't as committed," Popenoe says. And if that's the attitude, he adds, it doesn't necessarily change just because you get married. The possible result: In fairly short order, one of you—most likely him—is on the prowl.

Then there are sites like Facebook, where anyone from exes to one-night stands can find you. What starts as innocent e-flirting (which 20 percent of adults who used social-networking sites in 2008 admitted to in a study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project) can quickly get out of hand.

Why Do Women Cheat?

There are two main kinds of cheating for women. Emotional cheating may occur without actual sexual involvement. This commonly happens with a man who is close to her, such as a co-worker. These days, it may also happen in an online relationship. Physical cheating generally involves some form of intimacy, which can range from flirty touching to sex. A woman who is cheating on her significant other may commit both types of cheating concurrently.
  
Women are more likely to cheat in relationships where they feel that their emotional needs aren't being met and may also cheat because their sexual needs aren't being satisfied. Common reasons women give for cheating include feeling lonely, feeling bored in the relationship or to increase one's own self esteem. Some women also seem to crave that "new relationship feel" and cheat on their husbands just for the rush of new romance. Others cheat in retaliation to their partner doing the same.

One of the most extreme effects of the disclosure or discovery of female infidelity within a relationship is divorce or ending the relationship. Other effects include loss of trust in the relationship, loss of intimacy and reciprocal cheating by the significant other. Cheating irreparably damages or changes the relationship. In some cases, trust can be regained, but it can take couples therapy and a lot of healing on both sides.

Women having affairs tend to follow similar behaviors. Some of the telltale signs to watch for include a change in appearance, such as new clothes or hairstyles, changing a long-standing routine and changes in sexual habits within the marriage (more or less sex than usual). Women may also slow down on communication, have unexplained absences and change their spending habits to accommodate the affair (spending money on gifts for her lover or on her personal appearance).